Sands of Time

What’s the biggest loss you’ve felt due to the pandemic?

That’s a weighty inquiry to open a blog article, I admit. Because, for some, the gravity of the response is enormous if the loss was the life of a loved one. Know that I pray for you, your loved ones and for your loss.

Forgive me now for saying I’ve been blessed, as I did not endure that level of pain. However, I did - we all did - lose something that, while not the equal of life, is still incredibly precious.

Time.

A quick disclaimer before we proceed: Typically, I plan to write articles that have meaning to both myself and to you, the reader. My most recent posting about meditation and its benefits being evidence. In this instance, however, this particular blog post is highly personal. I hope you still enjoy what I have to share. And, if you read on, thanks for investing your time in me.

Let's first begin acknowledging the time I lost with my grandparents who live in Queens, NY. They’re not just my grandparents. They’re my parents, too. My grandfather is the only father I’ve known. And my grandmother shared in the maternal responsibilities along with my mom, especially as my mother battled with multiple sclerosis for much of my young life. So, when I say I lost time with my grandparents, cross out the word ‘grand’ and you’ll better appreciate the significance of not seeing my folks in what is now going on a year and a half. Even more unfortunate, my grandparents lost time with their great grandchildren (the three sandy boys seen in the photo). When you factor in my grandparents age - late 70’s - and their not-so-ideal health, lost time with my children isn’t something that can be made up easily. Or at all.

Then there’s the lost time with my kids. Sure, the cancellation of the aforementioned trip to visit with my parents in New York City or our Disney vacation are saddening. But it’s missing out on the little things ... the everyday things; those are what soured this past year the most. Restricted playgrounds with tied up swings. Closed movie theaters. Shuttered indoor trampoline parks. It’s these memories with my boys that, if you’re a parent, we know are precious and will vanish quicker than we realize. Like it’s been said, the little things mean a lot. I imagine at my youngest son’s first school musical, the initial thought I’m likely to have will be wondering what would’ve been the sounds of his 2020 musical that will never exist.

Of course, there’s the lost time with my wife. In a way, covid actually brought us closer. It’s a beautiful thing the way her and I have found more that we love about each other through all of this chaos — something I’ll tackle more in-depth in my next blog post. But, there was still a loss. Our 10th anniversary plans, a milestone occasion you can never get back, had to be abandoned. Now, I grew up understanding, as many of us did, the quip, “Want to hear God laugh? Tell Him your plans.” I get that nothing is promised. And it certainly doesn’t define our marriage, which has been as harmonious as I could’ve ever desired. Still, it began the streak of a year’s worth of mostly scrapped moments. These days we cherish each date more now than when we were younger. Age and parental duties will do that to all of us. By no means am I suggesting this is unique to our relationship alone. All loving couples endured this same loss from the coronavirus. I can only speak from my own perspective. I’d be disingenuous if I didn’t bring it up, whether or not the same has also been true for you and your life partner.

Finally, let’s define 'first world problem'. For those of us who are fortunate to lead a privileged life, it’s extremely difficult to complain about loss — particularly when the pandemic hasn’t robbed us of someone we held warmly in our hearts. But it doesn’t mean we have to hide our own brand of sadness and disappointment. It just means we have to position it respectfully and with sympathy for those who have suffered worse. I’ve tried to do so here. I hope I achieved my goal.